Fallen a long way
This life ain’t real
Running after sunshine
In the middle of the night.
How do you feel,
After catching an illusion
That shatters in your palm.
When did things get so bad...?
Cold rivers of tears
Left a desert in my head.
When did i first start falling...
Must be a hundred years ago
Can hear my old self calling.
Too late to climb
The abiss i’ve been descending
For a long, long time.
Too late to rise
Sleep will soon embrace me,
After this glass of wine.
Have you ever disappointed yourself? Like when you do something you don't agree with, or that is against your principles. Or when you know that in order to do something important to you, you have to hurt others and bear being judged by them... and so you choose to abandon your wishes and dreams only to avoid being criticised... like choosing the easy way instead of the right way. Or like being nice to people who insult you because otherwise you'd have to endure repercussions. But deep down inside you know the best way would have been to shout out loud and stand up for yourself when insulted, even if you had to endure all the repercussions in the world. Or like when you swore you'd never start smoking, and now you can't stop yourself. When you pretend to be someone else, only because it's the only way you'd be accepted in society... but deep down you know that true friends would like the real you. When you tried so hard to quit drinking, and one fine day you break loose.
At some point in our lives, i think everyone disappoints themselves. It feels like something breaks inside you. I think it is much worse than when someone else disappoints you. In those moments you know that you couldn't act according to your own principles, and this makes you feel weak. And when you feel weak you lose much of your self esteem. But... don't make a tragedy out of it! We all do mistakes. When you have disappointed yourself, the best thing you could do is stop regreting it, and focus on never repeating the same mistake in the future. Be more endulgent with yourself anf try to forgive yourself.
As for me... i have disappointed myself a few times, and this actually made me write this poem :).
